Taxi Blog

Yesterday was the end of my 12th year driving a taxi. Needless to say, the past year did not bring me much in the way of income from my license, which was renewed on the spot. It's a bit of a secret way of renewal, and not many drivers actually do this, but you actually can renew your license at the TLC offices, contrary to the big warning to RENEW BY MAIL ONLY. And since I'm such the fuckup, I had my activities for the week set up so I could arrive at the TLC with the required documents. What I needed this year was a mere 120 dollars for the renewal, a drug screen having been done earlier in the week, and special to this year only, proof that I had taken a (obviously mandantory) 6 hour driver safety class, which is to be done every 3 years.

This year, the highlight of the renewal process was watching an apparently very old cartoon starring Goofy in which he turns into a monster whenever he gets behind the wheel of his automobile. Awesome, especially if it's actually an old cartoon. I do believe that it is, budgets for Traffic Safety aren't exactly our nation's number one priority.

Whoever wrote the script for that cartoon is gotdarn genius. I gotta head out now.

Soon after I recorded my misery in this space, that same night I visited L. at the taxi garage. L. is one of the few people in the world I trust openly. He still drives a taxi on the day shift (I got to know him by being the steady night guy on his steady day car), but appears to have a new profession, which is spelling F. on the weekend nights (those being Saturday and Sunday) for oil changes, brake jobs and the odd call out to aid a driver with a flat tire or some other ailment of the industry.

Awkward at first, since I hadn't been around for a while. I was still aware that L. was the go-to guy on these nights, and I didn't feel as though reveling in boredom was possible anymore, so I decided to pay a visit. There I met a recurring desire, which is to learn to fix automobiles. L. and I talked a lot that night. He has a 1980 Oldsmobile (he says it's the perfect Bronx car, which is about right for his part of the Bronx), and we went over some of the troubles or interesting conditions he had met with his vehicle. I'd say the latter in his case, since it always seems that everything is merely interesting, no trouble at all, and is a learning experience for him. Finally, when I was about ready to leave, he allowed that he had attended mechanic's school (likely as a younger man, for he had little love for the new-fangled machines around). I felt relieved. Perhaps mechanic's school is the place for me to be. I wish to learn too!

In the meantime, for next Saturday night, I get to put Mel-The Green Honda, on the lift and see the sights that one only sees when an auto is literally over your head. So I can forget my figurative problems. L. says he will point out the important bits for my edification. I have a secret agenda though; I'm gonna bring motor oil and a filter and try to get an oil change out of it (in relative comfort, the garage is kept well heated). Since I've done oil changes before, there's nothing really to learn there, I just don't want to freeze my buns off while keeping Mel happy.

As for the taxi driving gig, it would seem that if you don't get an early start (say 2:30-3:30pm), you're far more likely to go home with crap for money. So not much has changed on that front. What has changed is the very fact that on those days last week (recall, Tuesday and Sunday) I was able to get out in that time frame. Cheers to that.

So when I woke up (late) at 4pm this past Monday, having had intended to drive a cab Monday, Wednesday and Thursday this week, I knew what needed to be done.

I booted Monday for Sunday. Nyahhhh. It's those last second, window-is-closing victories (however small) that keep me almost energized.

Speaking of energy, I vaulted over 140 pounds of weight this past weekend. I'm afraid the trend may be irreversible. I'm destined to be fat and happy. YEAH. Another 30 pounds and I'LL BE LARGE AND SLOPPY.

How about a Neil Young lyric that describes my plight with unfair accuracy? Unfair, because I should be able to pen these myself. But let the genius speak:


Tomorrow is a long long time
When you're a memory
Trying to find peace of mind

Spirit, come back to me
Give me strength, and set me free
Let me hear the magic in my heart

It's just me and this empty space, isn't it? I'd just as soon not go on and on about how Tuesday's shift went; I have concerns that far exceed a single block of time in this void. Let's say it went well and be done with it. No problems, no fear.

That should do it for that. Let's move on, then, to...more taxi driving. Then you'll get an earful about it soon enough.

These days are filled with the kind of emptiness only a strong depressive state can bring. I used to have...things to do, or wanted to do. Now I have a situation bordering on comical dread of weekends and other dead spots. I recently learned the term for loss of pleasure in things. On Monday, I'm sure I will relearn it, perhaps to forget it yet again.

It's a strange life now. The hours are literally staring at me, for I have no idea what to do with them. It's though I've been flushed of all desire and need, and there is nothing to replace it. I still have 'interests', but they have become such abstractions that I get the impression I'm dealing with a memory of a memory of any particular one.

And I thought I was apathetic and unmotivated before. Now I know these things far too intimately for me to be termed 'well' by any stretch of the imagination. I am drained, I will go now, and take only the slightest satisfaction that I was able to squeeze this much out.

You will likely be hearing of my long-term troubles shortly. Turn away if you cannot stand human flaws and failings; what I do to myself and others is worthy of imprisonment in a psychiatric ward. Fortunately, I managed to spend some time in one, fairly recently.

It was pleasant; and it wasn't the medications.

I'll tell you what. A day short of a year since my last post, now it can be told that I have absolutely no idea what to do with my life.

You know what that means.

After a six-month layoff, I'm back to the taxi this week. Tuesday and Sunday only, I don't need to kill myself off on my first week back.

This blog is redeemable with proper care and feeding. It turns out that I was hiding quite a bit from myself over the years. But we can save that for later. Say 'sure, whatever' and I'll understand. I'm a bad man, you get it. I promise more than I can deliver. But this much, I didn't put it here for no reason.

I'm just glad I'm alive, I guess.

Test post. Stuff will go here until I learn the craft of creating a website. I've said it many a time, but now time feels shorter as I emerge from a long-term major depressive episode. There's plenty to clean up and much to look forward to. I will work as a taxi driver in NYC on a 'sniper' basis only (if I'm sure I can get a cab, and can get a free ride to the city; I'm 38 miles out of town.)

Basically, I'm not counting on taxi driving as my main means of earning a living. The decision was made a couple of days ago.

Obviously, this isn't how I wanted this blog to turn out. Posting every 3 months is beyond lame.

I am moving back to Staten Island shortly.

The Last Go-Round.

Having had a massive blowup with Gabriel, my roommate and formerly my taxi provider, I am back at Ann Service. The only salient point I have to make here is I have this feeling that I'm nearing the end of my taxi days. I passed the 10-year mark in early February. I'm giving myself anywhere from November of this year 'til the day my license expires (2/8/2007). There's a lot of play in such a time frame, but then again, it's been 10 years. I'm not in a hurry, and I don't hate this job. I'm just...tired, and still without much of an idea of where I'm headed. But it's okay..for now.

Ann Service, garage of legends and champions. Welcome me back again, guys, I'm not the same, but I can do a stunning imitation of myself when I have the energy. Mostly, I'll being sitting around reading while waiting on a cab. Like, conserving fuel.

I've always promised to keep this blog up to date and never delivered. Much has changed in the past year. All I can say is, it seems adulthood has finally caught up with me. And not a moment too soon. Certainly, I'll try to write more. If I find it interesting, it should be here. Should. I promise nothing.