Somewhat Interesting
Archives
Drive a taxi. It's fun. Really.
January 30, 2007
Soon after I recorded my misery in this space, that same night I visited L. at the taxi garage. L. is one of the few people in the world I trust openly. He still drives a taxi on the day shift (I got to know him by being the steady night guy on his steady day car), but appears to have a new profession, which is spelling F. on the weekend nights (those being Saturday and Sunday) for oil changes, brake jobs and the odd call out to aid a driver with a flat tire or some other ailment of the industry.
Awkward at first, since I hadn't been around for a while. I was still aware that L. was the go-to guy on these nights, and I didn't feel as though reveling in boredom was possible anymore, so I decided to pay a visit. There I met a recurring desire, which is to learn to fix automobiles. L. and I talked a lot that night. He has a 1980 Oldsmobile (he says it's the perfect Bronx car, which is about right for his part of the Bronx), and we went over some of the troubles or interesting conditions he had met with his vehicle. I'd say the latter in his case, since it always seems that everything is merely interesting, no trouble at all, and is a learning experience for him. Finally, when I was about ready to leave, he allowed that he had attended mechanic's school (likely as a younger man, for he had little love for the new-fangled machines around). I felt relieved. Perhaps mechanic's school is the place for me to be. I wish to learn too!
In the meantime, for next Saturday night, I get to put Mel-The Green Honda, on the lift and see the sights that one only sees when an auto is literally over your head. So I can forget my figurative problems. L. says he will point out the important bits for my edification. I have a secret agenda though; I'm gonna bring motor oil and a filter and try to get an oil change out of it (in relative comfort, the garage is kept well heated). Since I've done oil changes before, there's nothing really to learn there, I just don't want to freeze my buns off while keeping Mel happy.
As for the taxi driving gig, it would seem that if you don't get an early start (say 2:30-3:30pm), you're far more likely to go home with crap for money. So not much has changed on that front. What has changed is the very fact that on those days last week (recall, Tuesday and Sunday) I was able to get out in that time frame. Cheers to that.
So when I woke up (late) at 4pm this past Monday, having had intended to drive a cab Monday, Wednesday and Thursday this week, I knew what needed to be done.
I booted Monday for Sunday. Nyahhhh. It's those last second, window-is-closing victories (however small) that keep me almost energized.
Speaking of energy, I vaulted over 140 pounds of weight this past weekend. I'm afraid the trend may be irreversible. I'm destined to be fat and happy. YEAH. Another 30 pounds and I'LL BE LARGE AND SLOPPY.
Awkward at first, since I hadn't been around for a while. I was still aware that L. was the go-to guy on these nights, and I didn't feel as though reveling in boredom was possible anymore, so I decided to pay a visit. There I met a recurring desire, which is to learn to fix automobiles. L. and I talked a lot that night. He has a 1980 Oldsmobile (he says it's the perfect Bronx car, which is about right for his part of the Bronx), and we went over some of the troubles or interesting conditions he had met with his vehicle. I'd say the latter in his case, since it always seems that everything is merely interesting, no trouble at all, and is a learning experience for him. Finally, when I was about ready to leave, he allowed that he had attended mechanic's school (likely as a younger man, for he had little love for the new-fangled machines around). I felt relieved. Perhaps mechanic's school is the place for me to be. I wish to learn too!
In the meantime, for next Saturday night, I get to put Mel-The Green Honda, on the lift and see the sights that one only sees when an auto is literally over your head. So I can forget my figurative problems. L. says he will point out the important bits for my edification. I have a secret agenda though; I'm gonna bring motor oil and a filter and try to get an oil change out of it (in relative comfort, the garage is kept well heated). Since I've done oil changes before, there's nothing really to learn there, I just don't want to freeze my buns off while keeping Mel happy.
As for the taxi driving gig, it would seem that if you don't get an early start (say 2:30-3:30pm), you're far more likely to go home with crap for money. So not much has changed on that front. What has changed is the very fact that on those days last week (recall, Tuesday and Sunday) I was able to get out in that time frame. Cheers to that.
So when I woke up (late) at 4pm this past Monday, having had intended to drive a cab Monday, Wednesday and Thursday this week, I knew what needed to be done.
I booted Monday for Sunday. Nyahhhh. It's those last second, window-is-closing victories (however small) that keep me almost energized.
Speaking of energy, I vaulted over 140 pounds of weight this past weekend. I'm afraid the trend may be irreversible. I'm destined to be fat and happy. YEAH. Another 30 pounds and I'LL BE LARGE AND SLOPPY.
January 27, 2007
How about a Neil Young lyric that describes my plight with unfair accuracy? Unfair, because I should be able to pen these myself. But let the genius speak:
Tomorrow is a long long time
When you're a memory
Trying to find peace of mind
Spirit, come back to me
Give me strength, and set me free
Let me hear the magic in my heart
Tomorrow is a long long time
When you're a memory
Trying to find peace of mind
Spirit, come back to me
Give me strength, and set me free
Let me hear the magic in my heart
It's just me and this empty space, isn't it? I'd just as soon not go on and on about how Tuesday's shift went; I have concerns that far exceed a single block of time in this void. Let's say it went well and be done with it. No problems, no fear.
That should do it for that. Let's move on, then, to...more taxi driving. Then you'll get an earful about it soon enough.
These days are filled with the kind of emptiness only a strong depressive state can bring. I used to have...things to do, or wanted to do. Now I have a situation bordering on comical dread of weekends and other dead spots. I recently learned the term for loss of pleasure in things. On Monday, I'm sure I will relearn it, perhaps to forget it yet again.
It's a strange life now. The hours are literally staring at me, for I have no idea what to do with them. It's though I've been flushed of all desire and need, and there is nothing to replace it. I still have 'interests', but they have become such abstractions that I get the impression I'm dealing with a memory of a memory of any particular one.
And I thought I was apathetic and unmotivated before. Now I know these things far too intimately for me to be termed 'well' by any stretch of the imagination. I am drained, I will go now, and take only the slightest satisfaction that I was able to squeeze this much out.
You will likely be hearing of my long-term troubles shortly. Turn away if you cannot stand human flaws and failings; what I do to myself and others is worthy of imprisonment in a psychiatric ward. Fortunately, I managed to spend some time in one, fairly recently.
It was pleasant; and it wasn't the medications.
That should do it for that. Let's move on, then, to...more taxi driving. Then you'll get an earful about it soon enough.
These days are filled with the kind of emptiness only a strong depressive state can bring. I used to have...things to do, or wanted to do. Now I have a situation bordering on comical dread of weekends and other dead spots. I recently learned the term for loss of pleasure in things. On Monday, I'm sure I will relearn it, perhaps to forget it yet again.
It's a strange life now. The hours are literally staring at me, for I have no idea what to do with them. It's though I've been flushed of all desire and need, and there is nothing to replace it. I still have 'interests', but they have become such abstractions that I get the impression I'm dealing with a memory of a memory of any particular one.
And I thought I was apathetic and unmotivated before. Now I know these things far too intimately for me to be termed 'well' by any stretch of the imagination. I am drained, I will go now, and take only the slightest satisfaction that I was able to squeeze this much out.
You will likely be hearing of my long-term troubles shortly. Turn away if you cannot stand human flaws and failings; what I do to myself and others is worthy of imprisonment in a psychiatric ward. Fortunately, I managed to spend some time in one, fairly recently.
It was pleasant; and it wasn't the medications.
January 22, 2007
I'll tell you what. A day short of a year since my last post, now it can be told that I have absolutely no idea what to do with my life.
You know what that means.
After a six-month layoff, I'm back to the taxi this week. Tuesday and Sunday only, I don't need to kill myself off on my first week back.
This blog is redeemable with proper care and feeding. It turns out that I was hiding quite a bit from myself over the years. But we can save that for later. Say 'sure, whatever' and I'll understand. I'm a bad man, you get it. I promise more than I can deliver. But this much, I didn't put it here for no reason.
I'm just glad I'm alive, I guess.
You know what that means.
After a six-month layoff, I'm back to the taxi this week. Tuesday and Sunday only, I don't need to kill myself off on my first week back.
This blog is redeemable with proper care and feeding. It turns out that I was hiding quite a bit from myself over the years. But we can save that for later. Say 'sure, whatever' and I'll understand. I'm a bad man, you get it. I promise more than I can deliver. But this much, I didn't put it here for no reason.
I'm just glad I'm alive, I guess.
